My Re-occurring Dream

I have been replaced! So close to the big day that we have been forever waiting for!  A day we thought would never come as the years pasted us by. Everyday was a battle in an endless war that has seemed so infinite in its heart break and destruction. The situation screamed hopeless and impossible yet unwilling to relinquish we persevered. Finding our voice we screamed louder with our love and the tears. We were given no mercy but still confronted our fears. After Hell & back this party has been an event only in my dreams for years. Re-occurring night after night, reliving the same sorrowful Good bye gathering over & over for the past 11 yrs now.  The closer we have come the nightmare has transformed to a Beautiful party. The Victorious event has become the most significant part of the final passage of coming home to where I belong. The vision never wavering you are always by my side but this time with tears of only happiness in you eyes.

A Glories event that has been my determination to all the fights as well as my personal sacrifices that I had to endure to accomplish such a feat. Seeing you by my side has made the personal deprivation I had encountered livable because in you I had Faith. A half that made a whole with the ability to keep the armies at bay. Never in all my dreams would you have giving up this special day. It's beyond anyone's comprehension how much this event means. It's impossible to began to explain the importance of a common thing. Or even offer a solid justification in giving up an opportunity for just someone's Re-occurring dream. Deep Inside I just thought if you have been with me in this nightmare wouldn't you wanna see the very essences of my dream?

Technical- Glitches Fixed-Thought social Networks

What a crazy week it has been for me! Setting up a blog has more technical details than the average person (yes Im taking about myself) can imagen! To the extant of looking up odd words /terms on Google just to see how Google  defines them. The answers were only more complexing terminology that explained what the definition was NOT! Then trying to apply the non- meaning of words in the context they are used is close to impossible! So my actual conclusion is in fact that nobody else  knows the true definition of the words either or what they are talking about!!! So I hope everything is finally set up correctly! If in fact there are any problems with the links or sharing please leave a note in my comments so I can attempt to fix any issues! The method I ended up using for most of the technical stuff I did not understand was the "click this to see what happens " approach! Desperate times call for click everything measures!
Im sure you have all been in the same situation your self. It is comparable to the time when you first became a member of MySpace, FaceBook , MSN, or Twitter! Remember first taking all that time to sign up and make a profile,after 2 hours of answering questions about yourself that are unanswerable to even you, One last click to finish. When suddenly a door opens and throws you out in an ocean with a life jacket that's way to small for you!! Welcome to becoming lost in the sea of social networking Confusion! You discover a button for this and that, but out of no where when you want to use that feature it disappears! Making you feel completely crazy and question your self if it was real or a mythical button that never existed! Finally you find it, in a place you swear you have looked about billion times! With all your excitement the feeling of finding the Holy Grail has swept over you! With this accomplishment and self satisfaction the thoughts of messaging someone that's also a new user comes to mind! Just to gloat and brag a little, maybe even having them refer to you as the master before you will pass this skill on!! Until you realize that message button you found earlier is now MISSING! Right then you get a message from the very person you were gonna make call you Master and it's the sweetest message ever! Now yeah feel like a complete asshole!
But really you shouldn't feel bad everyone has gone through it too at one point or another, so don't feel alone! We really  should make some type of support group of regular people that can help others on web sites using non-technical directions! (I alway have loved the term the blind letting the blind!!) We all know our terms are better for example:click on that globe thingy to see who is talking about you , click on the envelope cloud thingy to see who is talking to you and then click on the half of a person to see who wants to be your friend so they can talk to you and about you ! See now I just explained 90% of what you need to know to use FaceBook!
Why can't it be like that for setting up a blog?!? Well just so everyone is aware just ask me and I'll explain it just like I do for FB! As best as I can! Or another word of advice ask any kid! My computer level is probly equal to a 5th graders! So ask for help from 6 grade up! All those kids were born with a computer in their hands! haha  Anywho --
Tonight I will be posting a blog that is about me and my story. I just wanted to use this blog to make sure all the glitches have been worked out of my page! As with that I will also list the schedule for my up coming blogs so my readers won't have to wonder if they will ever hear the extensive happenings of my actual life lessons that have held me captive here for so long! I know it would be easier for me to just write quick versions here and there, but since this is actual Life accounts I need to take the time to make sure the way I write these events out I am still keeping them as accurate and truthful as the day it happened.. I decided along time ago that if I ever did get the guts to do this that I would never alter the events to make it something it is not! Or add fillers to make it more like Holly Wood ! It has enough drama so to speak!
So Im going to post this now so I can put the finishing touches on the premier of part one of how I became Simply Indefinable --Forever Changed

True Statement

I wanted to add this saying because I have learned on my journey this important life lesson.. Spending all your time and energy to help others, then neglecting your own issues because your just so damn tired and completely alone. I always thought at the end of the day after being everyone's rock, shoulder, personal journal, advice giver, problem solver, assistance, babysitter and a door mat that I would always have them there for me.
But it doesn't work that way.. When I pick up the phone for help I get interrupted mid sentences from them so they can vent or complain so once again I can help them. If I say but wait this is important! They may listen a little.. Until I hear them start to multi task over the phone. Washing dishes well talking to someone else in the room as I talk louder and faster because I can see the inevitable moment coming ... Then I hear "hey Im so sorry I have to call you later.."
Im sorry but for me later never comes because it's so hard for me to open up emotionally in the first place so I sit alone until my phone rings for a call or text! Sure enough it's once again all about them...

Intro & Disclaimer: Leading a complex Journey!

Well with a girl that always has something to say in the most inappropriate times my lack of thought is catching me a little off guard! I am still trying to figure this blogging page out! So with time and patients I may improve with each blog I post. However Im not promising anything...
I have yet to make a decision oh how my blogs are going to be. When I signed up for this it was with the intention of telling my story. The personal hell I have been living in for the past 10 years. Which I still intend on doing! Yet I would also like to address my daily struggles without jumping from one topic to another!
So as in life Im going to take the one day at a time approach as I familiarize myself with this whole experience!
Starting with a little (by that I ment a little LONG) disclaimer to any readers I may acquire! I am always me even if Im feeling - Good, bad, happy, lost, scared, uncertain, confused and scattered. I want this space to be uncensored, real, open and absolutely TRUTHFUL! Because that is the way life really is and Im not going to sugar coat anything. So if at anytime its offensive or you don't agree then please don't keep reading my thoughts. I don't expect everyone to agree with the things I may or may not say anyway because that would make life pretty damn boring!
Also Im a scattered thinking and 90% of the time I think faster then Im able to type so hang in there I'll do my very best! If spelling and grammar bother you Im going to apologize right now! Im not going to let that hold me back from anything!
Why do this? What's my motives?
I honestly think if one person out there reads one of my life experiences and it helps them even in the smallest way or teaches them something of value then Im happy! (honestly if one person even reads this Ill be happy) I think life lessons should be shared! Struggles she be talked about and not kept hidden in the dark! This way just maybe they won't have to be repeated like a skipping record.. I also have my own almost selfish reason to do this and that's venting! Or maybe a written therapy session! But its not for slamming people or places or anything like that. For every 10 of these I may write maybe just one will make complete sense. That's my hope to say the least.
Along with blogs I will post my poems of random thoughts and cluster thinkings to provide a written buffet of my scattered random thoughts! Oh yes boredom is a complete possibility!
So for not having much to say I managed to give an idea of my goals, wishes for this space and my disclaimer! Now that my technical issues are pretty much out of the way my next post will hopefully be better! Or at least more organized with a better flow!
Thanks for taking the time reading my blog! I hope you consider taking this complex journey with me and find out why I am a girl without definition. Why I have be lost for the last 10 years. And most of all the events that have left me forever changed..